Limericks about 2016 Republican Presidential Candidates

I recited these limericks at Q.E.D. in 2019.

In January and February 2016, I wrote limericks about nine Republican presidential candidates. It wasn’t hard to find absurdity—or villainy—among the subjects. I sent the original versions to my limerick pen pal, Eric, who was born in Arkansas and with whom I attended college in Pennsylvania. I recited the poems at two open mic events in Queens, New York: at the Queens Public Library in Forest Hills in July 2017 and at a Purim party at Q.E.D. in Astoria in March 2019. These edited versions come from my unpublished zine from 2021, Documenting the Trump Era. With There Once Was a Limerick Anthology coming out in August, I wanted to share them online!

Mike Huckabee
There once was a man from Arkansas 
He’s not the best candidate I saw 
   He ruled your home state
   He caucused not great
Good-bye, Mike Huckabee waved his paw
Rand Paul
There once was a man from Kentucky
His poll numbers were really sucky
   His name was Rand Paul
   Oh, how he did fall!
With voters he could not get lucky
Rick Santorum
There once was a man from Keystone State
Who won Iowa once but too late
   Now bye-bye he’ll go
   He endorsed Marco 
Winning was not our senator’s fate
Carly Fiorina
There once was a woman from HP
She ran in the race of GOP
   For the next debate
   She has turned irate
Since the lineup won’t include Carly

Chris Christie
There once was a gov’nor from N.J.
His team arranged for some bridge delay
   He’s not very nice
   And he’s named Chris twice
He’ll prob’ly drop out after Tuesday

Ted Cruz
There once was a man from Calgary 
He’s a senator for GOP
   His views are right-wing 
   So awful they sting 
Will he win Iowa primary?
Jeb Bush
There once was a man from Dynasty Bush
Whose political dreams turned to mush
   He couldn’t beat Trump
   Got knocked on his rump 
He won’t be getting up off his tush
Donald Trump
There once was a man from NYC
It looks like he’ll be the nominee 
   He spewed lots of hate
   It made me irate
Let him not win the presidency
Ben Carson
There once was a neurosurgeon
No one calls him by his first name, Ben
   He hasn’t much clout
   We know he’ll drop out
The question is not “if”—it is “When?” 

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